Sunday, February 21, 2016

Radio Silence - Broken

Since the last time I have written here quite a bit has happened.  Including in the ushering in of not one, but two new years.  The last two years have not entirely been easy for me, nor have they been completely without hope or bright spots.  Even in the dark, I manage to find some light to cling to in hopes that I do not get swallowed by the hate, negativity, and other malevolent forces that have laid claim to my life at the time. 

I have spent the last few weeks in a bit of retrospect I have learned that I am not devoting enough time to myself.  I give more of myself to others than I truly have at times.  I have been neglecting my passions: writing, photography, and moments of simple indulgence.  I don't do things for myself any more because I have been seeing them as things that aren't important and the resources for those things are more often than not redirected to things for others.  So I have felt completely drained when I should be allowing myself moments to recharge and indulge in me alone.  

I am an avid reader, and I have been attempting to keep up with my review blog, and that has been going well.  Aside from a few slips and a couple of weeks where I have not posted anything save for things that I had committed myself to.  I am behind on reviews, I am behind on quite a few things.  It is time that I stop making excuses and start getting things done that I need to get done.  I am the only one that can be held accountable for the promises that I make.  

Perhaps I take too much on to myself, I have an inability to say no.  I need to learn to use that word a bit more to others and saying yes to myself a bit more.  I need to restart my meditation time, be it in the shower with music blaring, or laying in my bed thirty minutes before bed to center myself and ensure that I am in the right headspace for when I wake in the morning and I can continue to live my life in a way that benefits everyone and especially me.  

In the last six months, I have also become a member at a Christian church.  As you know from reading this blog, I was raised Catholic and ultimately my belief system is much more diverse and cannot be laid claim to a singular label.  I pull from a variety of sources for my spirituality and I am as of yet, finding myself connected with this group of people - however there is quite a bit about me that this group does not know.  

I am a proud member of the LGBT community, and I do not adhere to the views that homosexuality is a sin.  We were all created in the image of a loving deity, and no mater who or what we are...we are loved and adored. 

I need to remember the following things this year and in the years to come: 

1. It is okay to say no
2. I am loved
3. I am allowed me time
4. I cannot solve all the problems

These are just a few of the things I need to remember, but they are by far some of the most important of them.  

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