Radio Silence - Broken

Since the last time I have written here quite a bit has happened.  Including in the ushering in of not one, but two new years.  The last two years have not entirely been easy for me, nor have they been completely without hope or bright spots.  Even in the dark, I manage to find some light to cling to in hopes that I do not get swallowed by the hate, negativity, and other malevolent forces that have laid claim to my life at the time. 

I have spent the last few weeks in a bit of retrospect I have learned that I am not devoting enough time to myself.  I give more of myself to others than I truly have at times.  I have been neglecting my passions: writing, photography, and moments of simple indulgence.  I don't do things for myself any more because I have been seeing them as things that aren't important and the resources for those things are more often than not redirected to things for others.  So I have felt completely drained when I should be allowing myself moments to recharge and indulge in me alone.  

I am an avid reader, and I have been attempting to keep up with my review blog, and that has been going well.  Aside from a few slips and a couple of weeks where I have not posted anything save for things that I had committed myself to.  I am behind on reviews, I am behind on quite a few things.  It is time that I stop making excuses and start getting things done that I need to get done.  I am the only one that can be held accountable for the promises that I make.  

Perhaps I take too much on to myself, I have an inability to say no.  I need to learn to use that word a bit more to others and saying yes to myself a bit more.  I need to restart my meditation time, be it in the shower with music blaring, or laying in my bed thirty minutes before bed to center myself and ensure that I am in the right headspace for when I wake in the morning and I can continue to live my life in a way that benefits everyone and especially me.  

In the last six months, I have also become a member at a Christian church.  As you know from reading this blog, I was raised Catholic and ultimately my belief system is much more diverse and cannot be laid claim to a singular label.  I pull from a variety of sources for my spirituality and I am as of yet, finding myself connected with this group of people - however there is quite a bit about me that this group does not know.  

I am a proud member of the LGBT community, and I do not adhere to the views that homosexuality is a sin.  We were all created in the image of a loving deity, and no mater who or what we are...we are loved and adored. 

I need to remember the following things this year and in the years to come: 

1. It is okay to say no

2. I am loved

3. I am allowed me time

4. I cannot solve all the problems

These are just a few of the things I need to remember, but they are by far some of the most important of them.  

Much Neglected Space

Unfortunately both this blog and my book review blog have been sorely neglected the second half of this year, and I cannot exactly say why, other than I've been stressed beyond words with how things are going at the moment.  Financial responsibilities have more often than not made me wish for the days of college where I had very little financial responsibilities and spent most of my time actually enjoying what I was doing and the people I was with. 

At the moment there is no net, cable, telephone at the house simply because at the moment there isn't enough money to cover the cost of everything and ensure that the lights stay on and there is food on the table.  Work has been screwing around on my hours, and that simply adds to the stress when I am not making enough money to simply survive (though doing that on the paultry sum that fast food service pays is laughable), and so things have fallen by the wayside.  On top of all that, I have found myself in need of a cell phone, because smart phones, much like buttered toast, when you drop them land face first and when they land on the concrete, that tends to mean your screen now looks like a stained glass window - and is now a deadly weapon that targets the pads of your thumbs and index fingers alike when you text, answer calls, or do anything that even remotely requires you to touch the face of your phone.

However, on that note, I will have a new phone on the 17th of this month, and I will have the absolute JOY of downloading all my apps and hyper-organizing my phone.  My phone, my Kindle, and my computer are the major things that I tend to hyper-organize simply because those are the three things that I use most often on a daily basis.  Everything is exactly how I want it and when new things are added they are put in a specific place and that ensures that I can find it quickly and easily enough.

That just leaves the matter of finding enough money to find a net provider in our area that sucks a lot less than Comcast does.  While it would be beneficial to have a land line phone, it isn't actually a necessity any longer as we have 3 cell phones in the house.  However, at this time I doubt it would be something we can afford at this time.  We are also considering an alternative to cable in the form of something along the lines of Chromecast or Amazon TV.  The Amazon one would be optimal especially since we currently and continually support a prime membership for the benefits that it offers us, even though we very rarely order things from Amazon.

I got to spend time with a very good friend last night after work, and it was something that was needed as well as sorely missed.  Her blog is Random Thoughts and Jots, and I highly recommend checking her out.  I've known her for going on 15 years now, if not a bit more, she's been there for me for most of the things that have gone wrong, and I love her like a sister.  Her life hasn't been easy lately either, and we've both been muddling through it and trying to make the most of the absolutely crappy hand we've been dealt thus far. 

So far, 2014 is not ending on a high note, however there are still quite a few days left and hopefully something will begin to turn around for both me and my best friend, Jessie.  If not this year, then hopefully we will both find something better, something more fulfilling in 2015. 

And this is my update for the time being, and I wish all of you warmth and happiness.

Namaste,

Martha

Merry Meet...An Update

Greetings and may the Lady bless you this day! It's been a while, and for that I do apologize.  Things have been rather hectic, and now that I've moved and gotten settled and been able to get myself in a better state of mind (as I'm no longer swarmed by big city and the various stresses of dealing with too many bills and not enough money). 

Things are calmer, and I've been able to once more spend time meditating and focusing on centering myself and finding the peace that I need. I've been turning a bit more to the pagan/wiccan side of my beliefs because there are so many places that I can sit and let the world flow around me as I relax.

Lake City is a quiet little city, there isn't much going on here, but there are so many places that I've found and have yet to find that will allow me to focus and meditate on various things without the stifling characteristics of a big city.

I'm within walking distance of downtown, which means that there are events that happen that I can actually get to.  I'm finding my place here slowly but surely, it's been almost two months since I left Orlando, and I'm better for it.  There are still things that I need to find in the area - a PCP and such for various health concerns, but beyond that I'm loving this area.  I'm walking a lot more because that's my only option and the scenery for my walk is 100 times prettier than the walk I was making in Orlando.

The dynamic of people here is different as well - simply because people are nicer.  People were raised with different values here.  The racial dynamic is different as well - while Orlando seems to have a larger Hispanic population, Lake City has a higher African American population - so things are vastly different in how people treat others.  A prime example of that is - yesterday while my roommate and her son were coming home (on the back roads) from Dollar General at least four people stopped and asked them if they wanted an umbrella (as it was pouring), while they would have gladly accepted had my roommate not been in the wheelchair, it is still not something that normally happens in Orlando.

Hopefully, I will be able to start getting posts up more regularly, especially since I keep missing posting on days that I observe...OOPS!

Alright, I do believe that is all I have for the moment.

~Namaste

Martha

Upcoming Plans

In the next couple of days I will be starting a pair of series that I have found helpful to me and my own spiritual journey. One is finding strength in depression and the other deals with anger. There will be some meditation points in each of the days posted as well as Bible verses to meditate on.

I am also considering adding inspirational quotes from other sources as well but there will be a slightly more biblical focus to the posts.

I also have a slight backlog of posts to share with you including Samhein, All Saint's Day and Day of the Dead. I am passionate about these three occasions. So I shall be sharing information about them.

Until later,
Namaste
Martha

Slowdown In My Activity

Things will slow down for a little while due to the fact that I do not have a working computer of my own at the moment. My netbook died and my desktop has been dead for a while now. Until something can be worked out I will be posting limited posts and will still try and get a daily meditation up to let you know what I am focusing on at the current time. Bible studies will resume when I am stable again.

A verse that was shared with me today by Paula is Ephraim 3:20. Definitely a good one to meditate on when one is at work.

On that note have a blessed day!!!

Namaste,
Martha